MIRROR, MIRROR, On The Wall, Who Is The Fairest One Of All?

Author: Andrenee Boothe
aboothe@believersreport.com

I know we are all acquainted with this famous quote from the well known fairytale “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”.  The “wicked” Queen asks the Magic Mirror this question every day and receives the response “You my Queen are the fairest one of all”.  However, one day, the Magic Mirror gives a different response that completely changes the disposition of the Queen.  On this day the Magic Mirror says “You, my Queen, are fair; it is true.  But Snow White is even fairer than you”.  The Queen flew into a jealous rage and orders the huntsman to kill Snow White.

When I first heard this story at the tender age of probably 3 or 4, I could only think of how cruel and wicked that Queen was.  Why would someone want to kill someone else because they were beautiful? That just isn’t right at all.

Well, let me say as I grew older and started middle school my whole world began to change.  I was no longer the beautiful girl that mommy and daddy would call me anymore.  When I went to school my classmates thought differently of me.  They said complexion was too dark, my lips and my nose were too big and my hair was too nappy.  They said I was ugly.  I was ridiculed for most of my life because I didn’t look like what was supposedly “beautiful”. 

All of the popular girls at school were light-skinned; they had long hair with straight noses.  Everybody wanted to be like them… including me.  It was never nice being the outcast or the oddball.  I just wanted to be accepted for who I was.  Since that wasn’t happening for me I began to hate myself.  I would go home and cry and ask God why He made me this way.  Why didn’t he make me beautiful like the popular girls? 

Let me just add that watching television and reading hair/beauty magazines didn’t help either.  I would watch music videos and majority of the models they would have would be white, light skinned or Latino women with long hair.  This hate for me grew as I got older and it caused a lot of my pain not only in my life, but to everyone else who was around me.  I had a happy-go-lucky disposition, but deep down there was a seed of bitterness that grew into a wild forest. 

I did all that I could to feel beautiful.  I would buy new clothes, get my hair done, buy all kinds of make up products, etc.  Don’t get my wrong these things would give me a boost and made me feel beautiful…but only temporarily.  If someone didn’t think my outfit was cute, or if they didn’t like my hairstyle that day or if a guy that I thought was cute didn’t try to holla at me…. I would begin to hear those voices in my head all over again.  Those haunting voices from my childhood would remind me that I just wasn’t good enough….not beautiful enough. 

With this sense of inadequacy there was always a need for approval or need to feel accepted.   Unfortunately, this inadequacy led me to sexual promiscuity.  In my mind I thought if a guy had sex with me, that means he accepted me, which meant I was beautiful.  I know it sounds crazy but I’m just being honest about the way I was thinking at that time.  Now that I think about it, it was really a twisted way of thinking.  But every time I would give “it” up I would feel even worse.  At this point, I was trapped.  Even though I would feel horrible after having sex with someone I was not in covenant with… I just couldn’t stop.  It was like a drug, a quick fix. 

Stay tuned for Part II of Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?